Bernard Ingham, faithful friend, Was with his mistress till the end He served her for eleven years A record from among his peers. At Lobby briefings spoke of "we" - Alter ego of Mrs T. When asked about some doubtful news, Obligingly gave us his views, And then his favourite phrase he used, Which left us all a bit bemused. "Bunkum and balderdash", would say, Which we translated the next day As "Senior spokesman has denied ...". This top dog Spokesman rough did ride Upon the backs of lobby hacks Whom he conceived would make attacks On Maggie, whom he need defend. The personal question then did tend To get a spry reply from him. He'd set his face a bit more grim. But wait! These briefings don't occur. Although our Bernard spoke for Her, Officially they don't exist. But there's one tale I can't resist. Bernard tells it with some glee, Against himself quite merrily. West Yorkshireman, has clout and charm. At Hebden Bridge he's down ont' farm,

He milks his brother John's brown cows, And while for this he takes some bows, One day a cow thought she would pee On Bernard, milking quietly. So milk and other substance mix, To put him in a right old fix! Although he's brusque, he's also kind, A nicer man is hard to find. Some speak of him as devious, I think he's plain mischievious. He's loyal, enthusiastic too, And there's not much that he won't do. The Thatcher years have ended now, And though her Spokesman, (more somehow Than words can say), he paved her way, Made her life easier day by day. With largish frame and bulldog face, We're gonna miss him 'round the place. We in his next job wish him well, And hope that he will come and tell The Lobby how it is with him, In language raunchy; we're not prim! Now goblets filled, to lips we bring 'em, So we can toast "Sir Bernard Ingham". © Nikki van der Zyl, 1991 Back to top